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After Outcry, Bills Update Plans for New Stadium


By Terry Sullivan

By all indications, the new Bills stadium will be spectacular from top to bottom. From the giant Buffalo statues to  the majority of the seats covered from the elements, fans have been nothing but excited about the upgrade in store for the fans.


That was until last week,, when season ticket holders started to learn of the Personal Seat License fees that reach into the tens of thousands of dollars. And as reality set in for the fans - so did the nostalgia for what we’ve had for 50 years at good old “Rich Stadium” .



Front Office Moves Quickly - Flexible Stadium Design Makes it Possible

The Bills management team moved quickly to address these concerns and this morning announced major updates to the stadium plans. And because the stadum was designed using Quick Change Stadium Technology (QCST), the changes could be made in under a week.


25% of the Stadium Now Designated as Rich-Ralph Nostalgia Rows (RRNR)


Interspersed throughout the stadium, 25% of all rows will be designated RRNR - this will ensure 360 noise from the traditional fans across the stadium.  Fans must be selected to sit in the RRNR through a careful vetting process that scores them on a number of factors including:

  • TFS (True Fandom Score)

  • NLS (Noise Level Score - church mouses need not apply)

  • NNS (Negative Nancy Score - do you lose hope early? Did you leave the comeback?)

  • MCS (Moral Character Score - it is unclear at this point if the Bills are looking for high or low scores for this section).


Fans who are selected for RRNR seats will enjoy incredibly uncomfortable aluminum seats, and a view of the original bills scoreboard that showed replays using a grand total of ninety six 100 watt light bulbs.  

Urinal-Sink Combos

But the gem of the RRNR seats is without a doubt the private bathrooms featuring "Sinkinals by Kohler" - combination urinal sinks that harken back to the good old days, when the stainless steel sinks started to look to many a lot like the stainless steel trough urinals.


“It will bring a sense of nostalgia to perhaps feel a small splash of warm pee on your hands as you wash them" says Bills VP of Fan Experience Samantha Porcelain. 


"Pick a Fan" App for Suites

Feedback was that the expensive suites also need a dose of true fandom, so the team created an app to let people in suites bring "real fans" inside to up the experience for the fancy folks. 

Suiteholders can select from a number of different characteristics of volunteer fans willing to "upgrade" their seats. Each fan rental will cost $195 per quarter. 


New Pre-Game Experiences

New fan experiences at the stadium are designed to entice fans to enter early. These include:

Sean McDermott Clapping Zone - Fans enter a booth and attempt to clap 432 times over a 3 minute period. Bonus points are given if they can say "complementary football" more than 21 times. 

1990 Party Machine (21+) - Fans enter a booth and are transported to 1990 where they get to party with Holograms of Jim, Bruce, Andre, Darryl and Thurman. 

Pit of Despair (post game after losses only, ) - Frustrated after a loss? For just $95 you can throw yourself into a virtual pit of lava. 

Stay tuned as we learn more about these stadium updates. 

(and as a reminder, this website is privately run. )
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